The Bite of Sarcasm

When my husband and I were first dating, he came over to my parents’ house to have dinner. He made multiple jokes. He was funny, until I realized that all the jokes were about me. That evening we had a conversation about his ‘jokes’, which he hadn’t realized were on me. Even at our young age, we made a promise to avoid using sarcastic jokes toward one another. I have to admit he has actually done a better job with that than I have.

In order for sarcasm to be funny there must be an element of truth in it. Think about any sit-com you’ve watched on TV or any standup comedians you’ve heard. They all use sarcasm to make you laugh.

Everyone has been sarcastic at some point in their lives. There is nothing wrong with humor because on rare occasions it not done at someone’s expense. Yet, that is not typical since the meaning of sarcasm shows us the effect of its use.

Sarcasm, (sarkasmos) in Greek, literally means ‘flesh-tearing.’

It exaggerates a behavior or quality of another person or group of people. I find I’m more likely to use it when I’m in a group of people and attempting to be funny. What may have started off as good fun becomes a game of darts thrown back and forth, which can damage the relationship. Someone is sure to take offense as some point. Then those darts become daggers that cut and can even sever relationships.

Our words matter. It’s especially important in our close relationship. The negative things we say in jest (or in anger) can become seeds that grow in the other’s mind, lowering their self-esteem. This is not God honoring. We are all image-bearers of God. We should seek to encourage and build each other up.

Men and women have shared their whole work culture lives on sarcasm. They couldn’t imagine it any other way, but change can start with you. Maybe you begin with not responding. Then you might come back with a positive truth to counter the negative joke.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29 NIV

You have the choice, even some power to either tear someone down or build them up with your words. Be the change in your relationships.